I haven't blogged this year. Oh I've written posts only to delete them. Blogging was feeling so narcissistic, I just couldn't bring myself to write. Why would anyone care about my day? Then I reminded myself, this isn't for others to read as much as it is for me to read. For me to read back years from now and remember what 2010 was like.
Our sweet little baby Wyatt is now our sweet little toddler Wyatt. We started noticing some delays in speech so we became proactive. His hearing was fine and he was cognitively A-OK, he just had no words. He started speech, developmental and occupational therapy on a weekly basis and he is now doing great. Within the past few weeks, we have seen an enormous jump in his vocabulary. He's a talking machine. A difficult to understand talking machine but a talking machine nonetheless.
In Jan, we decided to remove Seth from public school. It was not a good fit. We started to homeschool. I can honestly say that I love looking at curriculum, coming up with field trips and making out lesson plans. You would think that would make me a great teacher. Instead I was forced to deal with the fact that in the face of adversity (or an unwilling, eye-rolling student) I found myself irritated and easily beat down. The wind can be removed from my sails by a six year old faster than I had ever expected. I was unprepared for the stress of homeschooling. The responsibility to teach your child everything they need to know academically in addition to teaching them how to be a good and productive human being can be overwhelming. I knew plenty of homeschoolers and they seemed to be doing just fine. I was not. I knew plenty of parents to higher needs children and they seemed to be doing just fine. I was not. I knew plenty of stay at home moms who managed to have clean, well behaved children, clean homes and dinner on the table and they were doing fine. I was not. We sit down every weekday morning to have our school time and all the while...Wyatt is systematically destroying the house. He is a viking. Seriously. While cleaning crayon off the floor with the same towel I used 7 minutes earlier to clean a quart of half & half up from the floor it hit me. Remember the scene in Meatballs when Bill Murray was telling the team that it didn't matter if they lost the game because in the grand scheme of things it just doesn't matter? It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Little losses like a basketball game at summer camp or crayon on the floor..really..it just doesn't matter. Really. I'm blessed with a very unusual situation. Scott works from home. Seth is home and I get to teach him myself. I get to shape his education. I get to control (as much as I can) the amount and type of stimulation to help him have the best day he can. Seth and Wyatt get to spend more early childhood quality time together than most non-twin siblings. While I do enjoy (and miss) my quiet time, I realize I'll have plenty one day. Maybe more than I want. For now...I'll remind myself daily that the little stuff..it just doesn't matter.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow,
for babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs, dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep
Now That’s Love by Ree
14 hours ago